Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
