I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
