I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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