soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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