R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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