My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
How does one acquire holy water?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
