i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
