Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
