I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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