I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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