I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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