WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
