even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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