i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
