dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
