You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I deserve this hangover.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize