Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
