8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize