Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
