She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
