we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
