between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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