Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize