my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
she peed on how many people?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
