When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
