Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
