dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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