saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
