I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
