Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I faked an abortion last night.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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