we're blogging at a bar
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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