i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
