you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
