my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
