You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize