The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
