im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
