I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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