You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
