In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
