I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
