Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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