member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
