No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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