i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize