shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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