my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
