you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
