so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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