Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
