I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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