just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
