Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
