apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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