I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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