I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You ate ashes out of my bong
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
