I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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