I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
