he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
