as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
