Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
