I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
