I'm gonna have a badass scar
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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