I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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