im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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