I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
