People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Floor bacon is actually really good
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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