Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
BRING THE BAGELS
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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