u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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