I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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