I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
