I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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