I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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