We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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