Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
