Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Quick, to the slutcave!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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