brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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