He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
