Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
