If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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