well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
