Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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