Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
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I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
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