Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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