Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
this just has baby written all over it
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
