I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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