And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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