eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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