You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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