She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
