what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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