so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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