I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
