and you said cock pushups were impossible
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
