gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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