Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
