Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
