i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
