My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
