I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
